1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,040
This programme contains
strong language.

2
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,280
You two are talking utter crap,
and you don't even know it.

3
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:20,000
Bollocks, Bird. No way is Donatello
the best Ninja Turtle.

4
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,600
Aye, I'm with Mac. Course you are.
Donatello is the smart one

5
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,120
and he's got the fighting skills.

6
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,960
So...? Aye, with a shitey wee stick.
Raphael every time.

7
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,480
He's got those forky things.

8
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,840
Mac! Rocket!
Are we done with this,

9
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,520
having discussed it
the whole journey back?

10
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:34,560
ALL: No!

11
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,320
You're probably Michelangelo. Gay.

12
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:37,360
THEY SNIGGER

13
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,080
I asked you to stop this 40 minutes
ago.

14
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,920
So please...

15
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,520
stop.

16
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:43,560
Now.

17
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,880
I always liked Splinter the rat.

18
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,040
That's bollocks!

19
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,440
MAC: He wasn't a turtle, he was a
rat, so...

20
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,200
how can he be the best turtle?

21
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,720
OK, if Raphael was the best turtle,

22
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,720
why was he permanently furious for
no reason?

23
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,360
He's a teenager. Duh!

24
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,000
If Raphael fought Donatello...

25
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,680
No, no, no, no, no.

26
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,160
Just ignore her, Rocket.
She's just getting pissy

27
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,040
because we're off on leave
in a fortnight, and she's no'.

28
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,760
Yeah, well, thank you for being
such a tosser about it.

29
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,640
A whole week of beer and shagging.

30
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,840
Well, I hope all your beers are flat

31
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,640
and your tiny knob goes green and
drops off.

32
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,880
We should do some weights.
Want to look ally for the ladies!

33
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:19,480
Aye. Bird, is the exercise machine
ready?

34
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,080
"Exercise machine"?
No, the Birdiciser 4000

35
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,640
is a breakthrough in low-budget

36
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,760
improvised personal training
solutions.

37
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,480
The Birdiciser 3000
was a fucking deathtrap.

38
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,360
Because you basically tried
to have sex with it, Mac. In fact,

39
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,200
you two are banned
from the Birdiciser 4000,

40
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,320
cos you have no bloody respect
for the time it took me to make it.

41
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,760
BOTH: Come on! No! No, I'm sick of
being taken for granted

42
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,600
by a bunch of useless toilets like
you two.

43
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,440
That is harsh.
All right, all right.

44
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,600
You lot are going off on leave soon,
and we're not.

45
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,320
Can we all please just get over that
hurdle and kiss and make up?

46
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,320
Hey, guys, listen.

47
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,680
New plan.

48
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,600
How about we all share a surprise
that I got in the post this morning?

49
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,440
Was it cheese frae your da?
It's a surprise.

50
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,080
It's cheese from his da.
It might not be.

51
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,800
Doesn't he work in Tesco?
On the cheese counter.

52
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,480
OK, here's the surprise!

53
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,360
You're all not having cheese!

54
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,480
Or whatever it may be.

55
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,400
Hello! Want a toffee?

56
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,840
Ah! You're back, then. Or...

57
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,760
we all died and came to haunt
the shit out of you.

58
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,080
Oooooh!
I don't believe in ghosts.

59
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,200
What about the Holy Ghost?
Mm, double standards.

60
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,520
Mm-hm...
Anyway...are you busy?

61
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,640
It's only a couple of weeks before
you abandon me and go off on leave.

62
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,560
Want to come back to my quarters,

63
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,720
make out with the best officer in
Afghan?

64
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,240
Ooh! The best officer?
Uh-huh.

65
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,440
Sounds fit. When can I meet him?

66
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,760
Boss? You asked me to remind you
about the kit check.

67
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:01,800
Remind me later.

68
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,360
OK, it's just that the search team
are here to speak to you, sir.

69
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,280
Well, I'm not surprised, because he
is...

70
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:10,080
the best officer in Afghan. OK,
sorry, I'm going to leave you to it.

71
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,280
Hello! Millsy,

72
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,160
what the hell was that?
What was what, boss?

73
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,640
I was talking to Mary.

74
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,960
When I'm talking to Mary,
you don't interrupt!

75
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,320
Oh. Right. Sorry.

76
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,520
Cos my chances with Mary,

77
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,440
they are already infinitesimal,
without you blundering in.

78
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:25,880
"Oh, kit check, boss, kit check,
boss!"

79
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,720
Leave...me...alone...

80
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,920
when...I'm...talking...to...Mary.
Understood?

81
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,040
Understood, boss. Won't happen
again.

82
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,600
I'll get the kit ready. Thank you.

83
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,400
MARY: Hey, Millsy!
Afternoon, sir.

84
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,840
Afternoon, Nick. Could we have a
word when you've done the kit check?

85
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,400
I've got...
MORTARS APPROACHING

86
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,600
Incoming!
EXPLOSIONS

87
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,240
Incoming! Incoming!

88
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,640
Mortars! Everyone, take hard cover!

89
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,320
Faruq!

90
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,640
Mary?

91
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,520
Mary!
Are you OK?

92
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,320
I'm fine. Oh, I'm fine.

93
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,520
EXPLOSION

94
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,880
No, I'm not fine. Sorry. I've never
been under direct fire before.

95
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,600
Technically, this is indirect fire,

96
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,880
because direct fire would mean
that...

97
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,640
It doesn't matter.
There's nothing to worry about.

98
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,520
EXPLOSION

99
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,680
That doesn't sound like nothing.

100
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,640
No, no, no, really,
they're further away than they sound.

101
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,200
I mean, it takes them ages
to find their range,

102
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,280
and by the time they have,
the choppers will be here, so...

103
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,920
Really? Yeah, really. More likely to
get run over crossing the street.

104
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,600
Unless you live in a residential area
with traffic-calming measures.

105
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,760
Can be very dang...
Millsy? Shall we play a game?

106
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,040
Great!

107
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:48,880
EXPLOSION

108
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,680
Do you really like Michelangelo?

109
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,480
Oh... No! Look, can we...

110
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,600
Do you know what, Rocket?

111
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,440
I remember when I was a private,

112
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,720
having a stupid, pointless
conversation.

113
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,520
It may even have been about whether

114
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,720
Optimus Prime was better
than Galvatron.

115
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,200
And I remember...
Aye! Optimus Prime all the way.

116
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,920
Yes!

117
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,800
Yeah, well, anyway,
Captain Glover said to me...

118
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:17,240
..."You've got to think a bit
bigger. Where do you want to go?

119
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,040
"There's a corporal inside you,
Lansley."

120
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,920
LAUGHS
Gay!

121
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,040
Don't be like Mac!

122
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,920
Look, the point is, a good officer
spots potential in his men.

123
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,160
So, Rocket...
where do you want to go?

124
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,480
Hm? Don't you want to do
something productive with your life?

125
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,320
I'm doing something productive!

126
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,640
I'm in the Army. What else do you
want me to do - take up knitting?

127
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,120
Look, we're going to be stuck here
until the Apaches arrive,

128
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,200
so let's think about how to best
use your time in the Forces!

129
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,040
Actually...
HUGE EXPLOSION

130
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,000
..my granny taught me to knit
when I was ten.

131
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,320
I liked it.

132
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:52,640
I made a scarf for her.

133
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,000
But then she died.

134
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,040
Ooh, nuts! Brilliant!

135
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:03,680
Mm!

136
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:05,720
No.

137
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,640
There's fuck all in here.

138
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,120
No laptops, no Xbox,

139
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,560
no DVDs.

140
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:13,720
Fuck all.

141
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,640
20 minutes, they'll be gone.
Trust me.

142
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,240
Oh, friends of yours, are they?

143
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,520
No.

144
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,400
Perhaps distant cousins.

145
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,240
They're young, just letting off
steam.

146
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,720
Oh, steam and mortars.

147
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,520
You know, Faruq, I sometimes wonder
whose side you're on in this war.

148
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,200
On your side, obviously!

149
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,360
You pay me.

150
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,240
I reckon if the Taliban took over
tomorrow, you'd hang out the flags.

151
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,480
Flags are not permitted
under the Taliban!

152
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,840
HUGE EXPLOSION
Fuck, it's getting closer.

153
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,640
Relax! This always happens.

154
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,120
They fire their mortars.

155
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,640
Boom, boom, boom, boom!

156
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,240
Your helicopters arrive, and then
boom, boom, boom, boom...

157
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,360
IMITATES EXPLOSION

158
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:52,920
It is the circle of life.

159
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,960
You want DVD of Lion King?

160
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,640
We shall agree $20.

161
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,080
Do I look like I was born
yesterday? Fine.

162
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,440
Have you noticed
there's a mortar attack going on?

163
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:05,600
Of course!

164
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,120
She's very observant.

165
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,560
For a woman. Bye-bye!

166
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,400
Wanker!

167
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,480
His balls must be made of granite.

168
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,440
And his head must be made of balls.

169
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,600
I've been meaning to ask you. Hm?

170
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,280
Does Nick often flick you on the
forehead when he's cross with you?

171
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,000
Oh, no, no, no.

172
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,440
Sometimes it's the cheeks.

173
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,680
Or the ears.
LAUGHS

174
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,640
EXPLOSION

175
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,520
So, what are you going to do
when you get back?

176
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,160
Oh!

177
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,520
Go home.

178
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,720
Fish supper.

179
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:43,800
Ohhh!

180
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,240
Go to bed. Yes...?

181
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,440
Get up.

182
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,040
Eggs and beans.

183
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,760
Back to bed.
Oh, probably get a pie for lunch!

184
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,320
Yeah, actually... Doesn't matter.

185
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,000
CLEARS THROAT

186
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,400
I was thinking I might apply
for Sandhurst.

187
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,560
Next year, or something.
What do you think?

188
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,480
But they knocked you back!
Said you're not officer material.

189
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,880
That was Captain Glover who said
that. Ages ago.

190
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,800
Was he no' the one that said
you'd only be a corporal?

191
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,680
No. Well...

192
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,440
He didn't mean that I could only
be...

193
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,440
What he meant was he...

194
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,600
He was wrong.

195
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,000
Basically.

196
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,080
Anyway... I've never actually
applied to be an officer,

197
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,920
so I thought I could now.

198
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,400
Reckon I'm in with a shout?

199
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,240
I...I cannae sit around here
blethering all day.

200
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,840
I need to look ally for leave.

201
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,200
Time to unveil the Birdiciser 4000!

202
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,360
Bird said you couldn't.

203
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,120
LAUGHS ADMIRINGLY
Nice work, Bird!

204
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,320
MACHINERY CREAKS
Oh, yeah!

205
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,960
WHOOSHING

206
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,240
WHOOSHING

207
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:08,880
Will you stop that?

208
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,320
I've got this admin to do.

209
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,960
Fuck off. No admin.

210
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,200
Fridge.

211
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,040
We've hit...paydirt!

212
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,840
We can't eat it.

213
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,520
Can't we?

214
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,080
No, we should put it back in the
fridge.

215
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,880
Aye.

216
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,080
We should stop looking at it.

217
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,320
Aye.

218
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,040
Yes, I like where you're going
with this, Captain,

219
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,680
but had you thought of firing rockets
from the helicopters?

220
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,640
You had? Marvellous.

221
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:08,680
Bye!

222
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,800
Now, I thought you'd like to see
this.

223
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,360
I presume you'd already heard.

224
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,400
Colonel Morris, yeah.
Got the news last night.

225
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,200
A sad day. Did he take you
all the way through your training?

226
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,320
Yeah, most of it. The whole ATO
and high-threat courses.

227
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,000
What a fucking waste.

228
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,640
Spends his whole life defusing IEDs
then dies during routine surgery.

229
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,560
NICK LAUGHS

230
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,360
He had my number
as soon as I turned up at Kineton.

231
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,040
He said, "You are an arrogant twat,
Medhurst.

232
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,040
"You'd better have something
to be arrogant about."

233
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,320
Wise words.

234
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,640
Really knew his men.

235
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,400
Knew who needed to be
knocked down a peg or two.

236
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,840
And is that what you aspire to?

237
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,560
Yeah, I think I know my men pretty
well.

238
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,880
Er, Millsy and I are like that.

239
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,680
I mean, if I take a shit, he knows
about it,

240
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:52,960
although that is mainly due
to those dodgy figs Faruq got me.

241
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,520
Er, I know Bird.

242
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,040
Yes, I'd heard about that.

243
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,560
A very considerate lover, apparently.

244
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,320
Well... I wouldn't, um...

245
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:06,200
Anyway, Simon wants to be an
officer, Rocket wants food,

246
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,440
Mac wants to insert his penis
into anything he can see.

247
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,920
Yeah. Yeah, I think I know
my men pretty well.

248
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:12,960
HUGE EXPLOSION

249
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,680
What about Mary?

250
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,840
You don't know her
as well as you'd like, do you?

251
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,120
No. No, sir, no.

252
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,720
Er, although I think that Mary...

253
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,440
There she is, her first time under
fire...

254
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,320
..quivering...

255
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,720
What are you saying, sir?

256
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,320
Nothing.

257
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,320
Just surprised that you're not over
there.

258
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,640
What's the first rule?

259
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,120
"Get over there."

260
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:40,680
So you're saying that running
through a fairly spicy mortar attack

261
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:43,680
to protect a woman who, frankly,
has shown little interest in me

262
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,240
will make her want to have sex with
me?

263
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,280
Yeah, that... That is actually...

264
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,560
That is actually quite a good
idea. Good luck.

265
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,200
Right.

266
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,280
This is actually really fucking
dangerous.

267
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,040
Mary, don't panic, it's all right,
I'm here.

268
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,240
And you're here too.

269
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,320
And you're both fine.

270
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,600
Everyone's playing Scrabble.

271
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,560
Brilliant. How nice.

272
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:36,800
So, er...

273
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,320
So you're OK, then?

274
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,200
Well, I just lost by 150 points,

275
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,480
but other than that...
MILLSY LAUGHS

276
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,800
Since when have you two
been playing Scrabble?

277
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,560
A few weeks, boss. Sorry I didn't
tell you. It's just that I know

278
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,000
you don't like the game, so...
What?

279
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,200
Love Scrabble. Fuckin'...

280
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,720
love Scrabble. Why do you think
I don't like Scrabble?

281
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,400
Oh, it's just the comments.

282
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,160
You know, "Are you playing
that stupid game again, Millsy?"

283
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,280
"Are you playing that stupid
fucking game again, Millsy?"

284
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,680
"Are you playing that stupid
fucking boring game again, Millsy?"

285
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,760
Yes, yes, all right.
Millsy's quite the expert.

286
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,000
He's a man of hidden talents.

287
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,880
Oh, no, I wouldn't say that, Padre.

288
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,040
No, I like it. My dad played it all
the time. And I am getting better.

289
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,840
In fact, my online rating is 1,746,

290
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,000
which is probably
just a few lucky games, and...

291
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,000
I mean thank you.

292
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,640
Just...

293
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,680
..didn't realise you guys were into
it as much as I am.

294
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,680
Oh, really? I just assumed

295
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:27,200
you knew where your men were
and what they were up to. No?

296
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,520
I've just had this bloody
conversation! I know my men fine.

297
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,680
I know them very, very well,
obviously.

298
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,640
Do you? OK. All right,
what do you want to know?

299
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,920
What, the fact that Simon cried
at the end of War Horse?

300
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,480
Well, that is quite a moving film.

301
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,280
It's a fucking horse, Mary!

302
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,520
HUGE EXPLOSION

303
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,720
Anyway, I was talking about important
stuff, like just before this tour,

304
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,080
Rocket split up with his girlfriend.
What was her name?

305
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,200
Um...

306
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,320
Morag McBorag?

307
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:52,480
Karen.

308
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,400
What does Mac miss most about
Scotland?

309
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,800
Scottish flange?

310
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,200
Mussels? The gym.
The cold. He hates the heat.

311
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,440
Well, I'll have some air-con
installed above his bunk, shall I?

312
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,800
Next question. What is it, something
about Bird's mum's hamster?

313
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,600
How old's Bird's daughter?

314
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,960
Don't worry, Nick, it isn't yours.

315
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,680
Because she hasn't got one!

316
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,000
Er, yeah, very funny. So, are we
playing Scrabble, then, or what?

317
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,160
Really, boss? Yeah!

318
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,960
Fun times. Go Scrabble.

319
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,480
When he said he wasnae gonnae share
it...

320
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,040
..he didn't mean it, did he?

321
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:29,080
He's always shared it before.
Exactly.

322
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,760
So all we're doing...

323
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:34,520
is taking our bit...
that he would have given us anyway.

324
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,280
Yeah. So...that...

325
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,280
is the rest of our third.

326
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:44,440
And we'll save that bit for the
others. Yeah, we'll, er...

327
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,040
guard it for the others.

328
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,400
Aye!

329
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,360
Guard it. Good.

330
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,800
It's fucking grim cheese.
It takes like plastic.

331
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,920
Not even nice plastic.

332
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,120
Why don't you like Mac?

333
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,920
He's a nice enough guy.

334
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,360
Well... But he's going to bimble
along

335
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,640
in the Army for as long as possible,

336
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,960
and he's never going to progress,
he's never going to get promoted.

337
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,400
So?

338
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,200
You want to get promoted, don't you,
be a lance corporal, like me?

339
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,000
Can I be a lance corporal
who's no' like you?

340
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,240
Ho-ho, very funny.
Is it?

341
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,480
Look, if you want to...
CREAKING

342
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,040
If you want to get on,
you've got to volunteer for stuff,

343
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,400
do courses,

344
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,720
so people can spot your potential.

345
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,640
I've already applied for
the commando training course.

346
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:31,960
LAUGHS

347
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,600
You're going commando, skip?

348
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,080
Oh... Brilliant!

349
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,280
Well...

350
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,080
Look, once I've done that,
I'll be in good shape

351
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,880
to take a shot at Sandhurst.
Aye. Good luck with that.

352
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,200
ROCKET LAUGHS

353
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,640
You should take a look at these.

354
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,000
You could do close reconnaissance,
the sniper course,

355
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,440
mortar operator...

356
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,880
Ah, Mac reckons the courses
are full of fucking try-hards.

357
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,280
Well, I'm not a try-hard, am I?

358
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,160
Trying hard is a good
thing...sometimes.

359
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,800
Aye.

360
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,360
We should've tried it toasted.

361
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,720
That...

362
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,400
is a fucking gleaming idea.

363
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,800
If we come up wi' a good recipe,
the others'll thank us.

364
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,120
Fuck! Fuck,

365
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,560
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit!

366
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,960
So, um...

367
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,600
one, two, three,

368
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:31,880
six, eleven... Hang on, hang on.

369
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,720
What the fuck is "loamier"?

370
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,800
"Loamier"? "Loam."

371
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,760
Soil. "Loamy."

372
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,120
Like soil.

373
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,960
"Loamier." More like soil.

374
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,200
Can't fault the logic.

375
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,320
Congratulations, Millsy, on knowing
tons of words you'll never use

376
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,440
except in this stupid fucking boring
game.

377
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,920
Nick? Are you all right?

378
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,400
Yeah, I'm fine.

379
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,120
Nothing I like more than
learning comparative words for soil.

380
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,760
I'm sure they'll come in handy.

381
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,960
"Er, boss, there's an IED over
there."

382
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,480
"Oh, really, Millsy?

383
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,320
"And how much more loamy is the soil
in which it has been emplaced?

384
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,880
"Can we agree it is loamier?"

385
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:08,920
I heard about your old CO.

386
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,800
Yeah, it's fine. Really.
Were you close?

387
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,160
Yeah, actually.

388
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,560
Trained me.

389
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:19,880
Best officer I ever met.

390
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,600
I'm here if you want to talk to me.
Look, boss...

391
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,760
..if you're worried you're not as
good an officer as him, don't worry.

392
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,360
You're a really good officer.
You're one of the best.

393
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,240
The best. Better than the best.

394
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,400
All right, calm down, Millsy.

395
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,920
My go.

396
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,160
"Bang."
LAUGHS

397
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,400
That's appropriate!
Yes, it's very good!

398
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,320
HUGE EXPLOSION
What the fuck?

399
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,800
Oh, fuck.

400
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,040
CO's office has been hit.

401
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,600
Millsy, stay inside with Mary.

402
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,040
Give me one!

403
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,520
Sir!

404
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,640
Looking for me?
Oh, bloody hell, sir!

405
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,640
MORTAR APPROACHING

406
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,480
Everyone under fucking cover, now!

407
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,680
Ahhh!

408
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,640
Fancy a coffee, Nick?

409
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:51,960
Sure.

410
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,280
You want special coffee?

411
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,960
I...very much doubt it.

412
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,520
CREAKING

413
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,760
You should have a go on this, skip.

414
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,520
Want to look ally for your wedding
photos, don't you?

415
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,960
Your missus wants a buff soldier.

416
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,480
Not quite. She wants an officer,
really.

417
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,720
Ah, so she's making you apply!
Got ya.

418
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,560
No! No. I just think I've got the
qualities that they're looking for.

419
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,320
You know, leadership, presence,

420
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,600
authority.

421
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,400
Rocket?

422
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,800
Rocket?

423
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,680
He loves those nuts.

424
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,080
I feel weird.

425
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,200
I feel fine.

426
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,320
I feel weird.

427
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,960
I could eat the rest, nae bother.

428
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:48,120
Ah, I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Cheese is not exactly a health food.

429
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,800
That's bollocks. It's pure protein,
innit?

430
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,040
Innit?

431
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,840
I don't want to flab up.

432
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,520
The uniform isn't exactly a
fantastic fit in the first place.

433
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,400
I do not want to go up a size
while I'm out here.

434
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,200
Imagine if I couldn't fit
into my bras, hm?

435
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,960
It's not like I could get measured
for bigger ones out here, is it?

436
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,120
Mac?

437
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,200
Mac!
I'm finding this really confusing.

438
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,240
Stop staring at my tits!

439
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,400
I can't look away.

440
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:21,480
Anyways, you can work it off
on the Birdiciser 4000.

441
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,560
Yeah, well, it's not finished yet.

442
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,320
I need to tighten the holding nuts
before anyone goes on it.

443
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,520
CREAKING

444
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,400
CRASHING, SIMON SCREAMS

445
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,280
Fuck!

446
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,480
Rocket... Rocket...

447
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,360
could you please lift
this contraption off me?

448
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:51,680
Right.

449
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,360
Would have been a bit of bad luck to
lose a mentor

450
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,680
and a CO in the same
week wouldn't it? Yes, sir!

451
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,600
I'm glad you're OK.

452
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,440
Sorry you didn't get to meet
Colonel Morris.

453
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,880
Oh, I met KTM.

454
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,480
Yes. Northern Ireland.
Really?

455
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,040
Yes, when I was a lieutenant.
And?

456
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,360
What's the first rule?

457
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,440
"Don't speak ill of the dead."
"Ill"?

458
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,760
You didn't... I mean,
I know he could be a bit...

459
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,160
He was a bloody good ATO,
though, wasn't he?

460
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,320
Yes, fantastic ATO.

461
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,720
Also a colossal prick.

462
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:22,920
Wow.

463
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,640
Really not sticking
to the first rule there, sir.

464
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,000
What's the second rule?

465
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,880
"Do speak ill of the dead
if they were also a colossal prick."

466
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,280
He behaved like a total arsehole

467
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,160
to anyone who wasn't in his little
bubble.

468
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,160
On one occasion, I'm pretty sure
he risked the lives of two of my men

469
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,680
and then gave them a dressing-down
about it afterwards.

470
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,120
But he's... I mean...

471
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,720
You've always modelled yourself on
him?

472
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,640
Well...kind of.

473
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,480
No, you don't.

474
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,720
You model yourself on an idealised
version of him, which is better.

475
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,760
You, I hope, have realised that some
people need building up a peg or two.

476
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,360
Millsy, for example.

477
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:58,880
Yeah.

478
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,400
Sure, sir.

479
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,200
Because you, Captain Medhurst,

480
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,400
are not a prick, colossal or
otherwise.

481
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,480
You're a shit, but not a prick.

482
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,880
EXPLOSION
Thank you, sir...

483
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:12,920
I think.

484
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,840
I hate myself.

485
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,600
I can't stop eating the cheese.

486
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,400
Relax, Bird.

487
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,120
Mustard's one of your five-a-day.

488
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:24,400
BELCHES
Ohh!

489
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,400
I'm disgusting.

490
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,600
And that is why
men never give me a second look.

491
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,760
Nick did.

492
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,560
What?

493
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,160
You and Nick. In Andover.

494
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,040
Does everyone know about that?

495
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,240
Aye. How?

496
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,080
He told us. Fucking hell!

497
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,840
That was supposed to be a secret!
What a shit!

498
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,040
Didn't know you fancied him.
Everyone fancies Nick.

499
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,360
Mary doesn't. Yeah, she does.

500
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,560
She hides it well.
No, she doesn't.

501
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,560
EXPLOSION

502
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:53,880
Anyway...

503
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,280
he gave you a bit more than
a second look, didn't he?

504
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,040
Yeah, and then told everyone about
it. No fucking respect.

505
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,680
What? But you two got it out of the
way because he does respect you.

506
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,680
You what?
He thinks you're brilliant.

507
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,120
If he didn't give a shit about you,
right,

508
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,640
he'd be pestering you,

509
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,920
then he'd shag you then ignore you.

510
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,960
Then shag you again.

511
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,760
Then ignore you again.

512
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,840
Yeah, I suppose you're right.

513
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,040
Aye.

514
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,880
You're too good for him.

515
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,480
And he knows it.

516
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,280
Cheers, Mac. You know we're going to
have to finish the lot,

517
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,800
destroy the evidence?

518
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:27,960
BELCHES

519
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,680
I think I'm gonnae boak.

520
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:33,840
Have some more cheese!

521
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,160
It settles the stomach.

522
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,760
Jesus!

523
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,560
BIRD BELCHES

524
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,560
All I'm saying is
Nick's job is very stressful.

525
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,880
But I know that he does sometimes
take it out on you.

526
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,440
No, I just think...
Not intentionally.

527
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,520
So if there is something
that's annoying...

528
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,120
Actually, you know what does get me?

529
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,720
Good!

530
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,120
His attitude to this.

531
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,360
Scrabble?

532
00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,640
Yeah. I mean like just now.

533
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,720
He was pretending to like it.
He doesn't really like it at all.

534
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,920
Yeah. I was getting that.
I mean, it's pretty simple -

535
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,360
a word's either in the book or it
isn't.

536
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,400
Millsy...? Yeah?

537
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,400
Is this really about Scrabble?

538
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,200
Yeah...

539
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,280
OK...

540
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,480
CLEARS THROAT
So...

541
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:17,640
HELICOPTERS APPROACHING

542
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:18,880
SIGHS

543
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,840
Maybe I should just apply for
Sandhurst and be done with it.

544
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,120
Do you really think
I could do that sniper course?

545
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,000
Yes. Yes, I do.

546
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,000
Brilliant!

547
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,720
Might just do that.

548
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,000
You know what, skip?

549
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,160
You should be an officer.

550
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,560
Oh! Well...

551
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,920
thank you, Rocket!

552
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,920
That's... Cheers.

553
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,400
A careers officer.

554
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,760
You're pure brilliant at encouraging
folk.

555
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,880
A careers officer.
Aye!

556
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,960
You could sit in one of
them recruitment places

557
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,880
and talk to the folk when they come
in, get them to join the Army!

558
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,200
You'd be good at that.

559
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,080
Thank you.
And the one in Edinburgh's

560
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,920
only a two-minute walk frae a
Greggs! Is it?

561
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,800
Actually...everywhere in Edinburgh's
only a two-minute walk frae a Greggs.

562
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,160
SIREN BLARES

563
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,760
Right. Good. Come on.

564
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,480
That's the all-clear.

565
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,480
Greggs do brilliant Scotch pies.

566
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,120
Fuck, I'm starving.

567
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:33,920
I am not moving to Edinburgh
for a Greggs Scotch pie!

568
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,520
Aye, well, if you want something
posh,

569
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,240
there's a Pret A Manager just
opposite.

570
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,840
I'll bear that in mind.

571
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:43,800
Everyone OK?

572
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:44,960
Yeah, good. You?

573
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,200
Yeah.

574
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,480
Ah...

575
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,000
Better get a new one of those.

576
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,840
You want Portakabin?

577
00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,680
A'right? Ahhh!

578
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,040
I'd like to think that you got
fragged,

579
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,320
but I'm pretty sure you've been
on the Birdiciser, hm?

580
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:04,480
Yeah, Rocket started it.

581
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,560
Yeah, well, he broke it. Yeah?

582
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,200
I'll take a look at it.

583
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,760
Sorry, Bird.

584
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,680
I'll make it up to you in cheese.

585
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,400
Oh, so it was cheese!

586
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,080
That's a...genuine surprise.

587
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,400
But we looked in the fridge, Simon.

588
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,240
It's empty.
Someone proffed my cheese!

589
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,000
No respect!

590
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,600
What's this, hm? Nothing!

591
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,040
Courses, aye? Yeah, I'm...

592
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,760
I was thinking I might do that...

593
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,080
sniper course.

594
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,240
Aye.

595
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,160
You should. You're a crack shot.

596
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,240
You'd be pure fucking brilliant.
Oh!

597
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,040
Cheers.

598
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,520
Nick, why did you tell everyone
you slept with me?

599
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:47,760
I thought it was meant to be a
secret.

600
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,760
Yeah, but, y'know, you're a hottie,
I'm a hottie.

601
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,280
We have nothing to be ashamed of.

602
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,120
Cheers, boss.

603
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,920
I'll see you later...hottie.

604
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,400
HE LAUGHS

605
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,000
Boss? I'm really sorry
I didn't tell you about...

606
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,760
You have nothing to be
sorry about, Millsy.

607
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,880
You like Scrabble, and that's fine.

608
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,040
Cool.

609
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,280
OK, so we should probably do
the kit check now, yeah?

610
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,440
Sure. Who's your favourite turtle,
then?

611
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,800
Oh, I like them all, actually.

612
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,920
Oh, make a fucking decision, Millsy!

613
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,760
Always tricky, losing your hero.

614
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,200
He seems OK, though.

615
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,520
Mm.

616
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:24,320
I told him Colonel Morris was a
prick. What?!

617
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:25,880
He wasn't, was he?

618
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,280
No.

619
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:28,720
But it always works.

620
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,280
Is that the first rule?

621
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:33,880
No!

622
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,280
But it's what Colonel Morris
would have done.

623
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,280
He was one of the best.

624
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,320
Carry on, Padre.